I have had an extended absence from zaadz lately due to work, some family issues, etc.  However I am back with some fantastic news.  Now I'll try not to make this confusing.  Okay, my father was married once before he married my mother.  With his first wife he had a daughter and a son.  Tracy and Scott.  When I was eight my parents had already been split up and my sister moved in to live with our father and Scott visited us on the weekends.  Over a short period of time my parents tried giving it a last go and it was my parents, me, and Tracy, with Scott on the weekends.  Well my father isn't the very best of people, he has the tendency to lie a lot and to the extreme and just all around not the most honest or honerable of men.  He ended up asking Tracy to leave on the basis that a 16yr old girl was trying to sabotage his relationship.  Scott no longer came over and I never saw my sister, only learning later that she was also pregnant at the time.  Fast forward two years, my father is now seeing someone else and seeing me on the weekends and tells me the same thing he, two years previously, told me and that was he could no longer see me because I was trying to come between him and his new girlfriend.  A 10 year old????  Come on now.  But anyways, I've seen him over the years at jobs or what not but he pretends he does not know who I am although it is quite clear he recognizes me, but I've moved on.  So anyways, I've tried a couple of times to find my siblings to no avail.  The other day I logon to myspace, yes I have one, tons of my friends do and that's how we keep in touch.  So yeah I logon and I have an email message that says PLEASE READ, so I open it and it's a women who says she's been looking for a girl around my age who was born in hartford and whose parents are named Royce and Nina.  I say hey that's me, I reply, and after back and forth emails...IT WAS MY FRICKING SISTER!!!!!  We've talked close to every night since, I have a beautiful 17yr old niece named Samantha, remember my sister was pregnant at 16 and I haven't seen them for 18 years, and my brother Scott lives about 15 minutes from her.  At the end of August they are coming to CT for a visit and I cannot wait. 

 

Words cannot express the overwhelming joy and happiness I am feeling.  One: that I have what I've so longed for, two: that they love me and want me in their lives, and three:no matters what happens I'll never be alone.  I feel a completeness that has never been present before.  I obviously do not have a relationship with my/our father, as they do not as well, and it's very very shaky with my mother due to her own very unhealthy vices, so having this family totally aleviates the abandonment issues I've carried for quite some time.

 

I really felt that of anyone my zaadz peeps would appreciate this story.  Enjoy and thanks for listening...err reading.  Happy Friday!

Day breaks like an egg,
A golden yolk of Sun shining through
White cloud, reminding us of this magic:
No darkness lasts forever.
-Elizabeth Barrette

So far this week my personal affirmation has been much harder than I thought.  I suppose you don't realize how much negativity really does circulate around you and through you at times.  I've found that I have not been as social at work this week due to some of the negative conversations that I have politely declined from partaking in.  As I personally have felt better about myself for making my workplace/life more positive, I can only hope that I at least reach one other personal w/this message I am sending.  My keyword/trigger word has definitely helped as well.  It's a friendly reminder from myself anytime I feel a negative thought or comment coming on.  I honestly did not think I'd be impacted as much so soon but I'm really having fun and enjoying the much more positive attitude, not saying I was Miss Negative to begin with, but again as I've said you don't realize how much negativity actually circulates around you until you decide to change it.  Anyways, just updating and thanks to everyone for all the warm welcomes.  I'm having a great time here.

So I picked up a new Wiccan/Pagan book and found a section on personal Affirmations (this book is not a read from page one to end but more a referrance).  And this personal affirmation really inspired me and made me think of Zaadz and the message we are all trying to send.  Basically, in short, for one week  you are recommended to remove all negative energy from your vocab in talking about yourself or anyone else for that matter, even expressing feeling using negativity.  It suggests you choose a keyword to remind yourself and to even say outloud if you have to such as a power word like "Isis" or something silly by banana each time you may use a negative thought or word.  After doing this successfully for a week stretch it out to two weeks and so on. 

It is amazing how powerful our minds are and it's amazing how the above after just one week can really change your life and surroundings.  This personal affirmation is my new goal for the coming week.  Wish me luck!